When we start to learn good communication skills, and learn to avoid immediate advice or oversharing personal experiences, we’re often left confused about what we should do and wondering what tool to use next.

The Power of Simply Asking

While this may sound ridiculous, all we need to do is directly ask the person about their preferences. By inquiring, "How would you like me to respond?" or offering options like, "Did you want to vent? Do you want advice?" we empower them to express their needs and shape the conversation.

“But I Don’t Want to Sound Like a Therapist!”

It’s natural to resist this approach because it can sound stilted or like formal therapy. However, you can play with how to do it and find words that resonate with you to ensure the question feels authentic and aligns with your natural communication style. The goal is not to sound rehearsed but to convey sincere interest in understanding and supporting the other person. Most people actually enjoy getting to steer the response in a way that feels supportive, as it signals genuine interest in understanding their needs and respecting their autonomy in choosing the type of support they desire. And if they don’t, they’ll let you know and you’ll learn something for next time.

When we think about “good communication tools,” we tend to over-complicate the process and think there is a magical, perfect response. However, communication is simply to create more meaningful connections, and often the best way to connect is just to be plain and ask when you aren’t sure. It's a simple yet transformative approach.

Watch our YouTube short video on this topic here.